


Plumber's Crack

by ixiepixie



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, M/M, USUK - Freeform, i still don't know how to tag, something like comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-23 00:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11391909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ixiepixie/pseuds/ixiepixie
Summary: Arthur has plumbing issues. Whether or not they are used solely to attract a handsome plumber is up for debate.





	Plumber's Crack

**Author's Note:**

> Made this after my roommate broke the sink. I think they either stood on it or pressed down but either way, it fell and this was born.

It all started innocently enough. The tub wasn't draining and Arthur was at his wit's end! After trying a plethora of DIY fixes, he found that the problem only seemed to get worse. There was only one option left to him.

Call a plumber.

He'd never called a plumber before, but from what he'd seen on tv and such, they were usually smelly, bearded men with their pants hanging too low. The thought wasn't an appealing one, but this was the only bathtub in his house and he needed his daily showers and weekly soaks. 

The online review site had said that this particular plumber was skilled and fairly priced, and the bloke sounded nice enough over the phone. Perhaps it would be some older man, but he sounded young.

Arthur took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. No sense in stressing over it. Hopefully the man would get it done right and be on his way within a few hours.

A knock at the door burst through Arthur's inner monologue and he brushed off invisible dust from his sweater vest. He would handle this as a gentleman. Without even looking at the man, Arthur opened the door and turned to walk to the bathroom, explaining his situation. “The bathroom is this way. You see, the tub just won't drain, no matter what I try, and now the toilet is backing up as well and the sink is slower to drain and it's just a big bloody mess-”

He was stopped in his tracks by a loud, boisterous laugh. Finally moving to face the source of the noise, Arthur felt the wind knocked out of him. This man was gorgeous. He silently thanked himself for not looking sooner, as he never would have been able to explain the problem like this. Not with those baby blues crinkling from laughter, that sunshine gold hair with a singular strand standing tall and proud, and that stunningly sun-kissed skin.

Shit, the man was saying something. “Ah, come again?” Arthur asked lamely.

Eyes sparkling, the plumber, his nametag said ‘Alfred’, spoke. “I said ya really did a number on your pipes there. I'll have it fixed in no time though. I'm gonna snake the drain first and see if this is an easy fix.”

With that explanation, Alfred pulled out a tool with a long coiled up metal rope and kneeled by the tub. Arthur took this moment to appreciate the man's shapely hips and fantastic looking ass. Thankfully, his pants had yet to show any crack, though at this point Arthur felt he wouldn't mind a peek after all.

Alfred, bless the gods, was soon bent over the side of the tub and fiddling with something or other. Arthur didn't listen, nor did he care. He was too busy blatantly staring and having wicked fantasies of sex in his bathtub. Yes, that would be good. Was it getting hot in here?

On the other side of the tub, Alfred could feel eyes on him. People usually did watch while he was working, but most others would either rant about the inconvenience or try to tell him how to do his job. Mr. Kirkland here was doing neither. He was silent, and after a few backwards glances, Alfred had seen a hint of a blush on the other man's cheeks. Oh. Oh.

Al kept his head in the tub, trying to focus on his job and willing his own blush away. He was flattered, to say the least. This Kirkland guy wasn't bad looking himself, and Alfred wouldn't mind taking him home after a date and having some fun.

He was a professional though, and decided to save thoughts like that for his late night dreams. Mr. Kirkland was probably just watching him work like a critic and would lash out at him after. He'd had that happen once.

Arthur had decided to walk out of the room at this point, letting Alfred work in peace as he steadied his own mind. He was going to let the plumber finish his job, he was going to pay the man, and he was going to let the man leave and that would be the end of that. Yes.

An hour later, Alfred came out of there flecked with some grime of which Arthur did not wish to know the origin. “You're all set, Mr. Kirkland. Just a ball of hair stuck in your drains. Do you have cats?”

Arthur gave a nod. “Yes, I have two.”

One of said cats, a large white fluffball with a ring of brown, came waddling up to rub around both their legs. Alfred smiled at the cat, a large grin on his face. “Awww, you're a cutie! I'd give ya a pat, but I don't wanna dirty your fur.”

Alfred laughed and Arthur felt the urge to to just pull this perfect specimen of a man down and pin him to his sofa. Instead, he handed the other their payment and tried not to stare for too long as the guy left his house.

Falling back on his sofa, Arthur stared at the ceiling, unwilling to go look in the bathroom and whatever unholy mess had been left in the plumber’s wake. An hour of thinking passed and Arthur could only come to one conclusion.

He needed to see that plumber again.

____________

It took some effort on his part, but Arthur had soon loosened the pipes below his kitchen sink to the point that they'd started leaking. Not a huge leak, as he would damage the wood of his cabinets, but a leak small enough for him to keep a pot under the sink to catch the drips.

He waited a week before calling Alfred again, making sure not to seem too desperate. “It's my kitchen faucet.” He explained as Alfred arrived on the scene. “Damn thing started leaking all over my nice cabinets!”

Arthur gave a huff to finalize his act, trying to make it as believable as he could. Alfred sat on the floor to take a look and simply chuckled. “You didn't even really need me for this one...” He said, tightening the pipes easily. “No charge Mr. Kirkland, this was just too easy. Wouldn't feel right to charge ya for a fix like this.”

“Arthur. My name is Arthur, and surely I should at least pay you for the drive.” The Brit insisted, grabbing his wallet. He wasn't about to let Alfred go so fast!

Al simply smiled and shook his head. “Heh, Arthur, I didn't drive. I live down the street, so really, this was no trouble at all.”

That gave Arthur reason to pause. Just down the street? Bloody hell, he was close. ‘That makes it all the better’ , he mused as he slid his wallet away. “Well, if you say so, then.”

After a few beats of silence while Alfred gathered up his things, Arthur showed him to the door. “Thank you for coming out so quickly. Really, you're quite handy.”

Alfred smiled back at him. “Just doin my job. Call anytime ya need something fixed, I do electrical and a bit of carpentry too.”

“Is that so?” Arthur asked, trying not to let a smirk take over his features. “In that case, you should stop by again, I have this issue with the lights in my basement.”

The taller man perked up at that. “You do? Well, how about I take a look now and give ya an estimate?”

Internally screaming, Arthur hoped to God that his basement light was flickering or something. He led the way into the dank space, praying to every deity as he flipped the switch. Nothing happened. The light didn't even come on!

“Oh come on you piece of-!” A hand on his stopped him from jiggling the switch anymore. He could have sworn that his heart had stopped too.

Alfred moved his hands away and pulled out a flashlight, inspecting the wires. “You shouldn't do that, might shock ya. Especially when the whole box is exposed like this. Where's your electric panel?”

Arthur was still standing there, hand tingling from the sensation of Alfred's touch. “Oh... uh.. I believe it's over there... somewhere.” He gestured to the other side of the basement near where he had his makeshift laundry room.

Flashlight in hand, Alfred left Arthur by the door so he could inspect the panel. In a few seconds, the lights were on. “Nothing too serious, just tripped a breaker. I'm gonna come back tomorrow and replace some fuses though.” Alfred stated as he walked back up the stairs with Arthur.

Still speechless, Arthur only nodded and let Alfred out, barely managing a ‘goodbye’.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

____________

Weeks turned into months, and Arthur was beginning to run out of ideas of things Alfred could fix. How hard was it to ask a hot man on a date??

Apparently it was rather difficult, because he had yet to do it.

Arthur stared at his bathroom sink in apprehension. He hadn't meant for it to come this far, but here he was calling Alfred yet again.

In a few minutes, said bespectacled blond was at Arthur's doorstep, mirth evident in his tone. “Alright Artie, what happened this time?”

After a huff, Arthur turned to the bathroom and gestured to the mess. Alfred's eyes were wide when he stared at the damage. “Holy shit, dude! Your whole sink fell!”

“I am well aware, now can you fix it or not?” Arthur barked out perhaps a bit too harshly. He wasn't mad at Alfred. He was mad at himself. He hadn't meant for this to happen! He was standing in his sink, loosening the light fixture in his bathroom for Alfred to fix, when he heard an awful crack and the bowl of the sink went through his cabinet! Luckily he'd caught himself on the bathroom door and avoided injury, but his bathroom was a wreck.

Alfred seemed to catch on to Arthur's mood and put a hand on the shorter man's shoulder. “Hey now, it's nothin to beat yourself up about. It can happen to anyone, ya know? The adhesive doesn't hold forever. It's not your fault.”

‘Oh it is definitely my fault.’ Arthur thought before he gave Alfred a half hearted swat on the arm. “Please, just fix it. It's an awful mess and I want to clean this all up as soon as I can.”

Nodding, Alfred got right to work, even cleaning up the water on the cabinets and floors so Arthur wouldn't have to. He took the bowl of the sink to Arthur's back yard, mentioning something or other about having to scrape the old glue off. Arthur wasn't paying attention.

How had he let it come to this? Destroying his beautiful home, spending half of his paycheck, and for what? So he could possibly get a good shag???

“Blimey, I've fallen far...” Arthur muttered to himself. He hadn't had sex in months, maybr even a year, and already he was clinging to the first incredible hot male specimen to grace his doorstep. Alfred probably wasn't even gay!

He wasn't married, Arthur had learnt that much in their many chats, but the topic of sexuality had never come up.

Back in the house after cleaning the sink up, Alfred stopped by Arthur. “Hey, it's not like you were jumping up and down in your sink, could have happened at any time.”

Arthur groaned internally at the fact that he had been standing in the sink. He smiled anyways. “Yes, quite. Thank you for fixing this.”

Alfred smiled back at him cheerily. “Glad to help!” He said, before hefting the bowl in his arms and going back to the bathroom to glue it on.

After around 15 minutes, Al came back out. “Alright, in four hours or so, I'll remove the wood block and fix the pipe, then it'll be right as rain!”

Arthur was about to stand and pay Alfred when he felt a weight next to him on the sofa. Alfred was sitting rather close and had his arms thrown over the back of the furniture piece. “Do you mind if I just hang out here while we wait?”

Arthur's cheeks tinted just the slightest color of pink. “Well, I suppose it would be easier that way.” He sat back again, staring at the TV but not watching it. His mind was racing. Four hours was a lot of time, perhaps he could get Alfred into his bed in that amount of time?

Alfred noticed the silence, eyes on Arthur as he watched the man have some sort of internal debate. It was now or never, he decided. “You know.” Alfred began. “Usually when someone wants a date, they just ask for my number and never call me again. You've called me at least two dozen times, so I must say, I'm flattered.”

Face going from a light pink, to the deepest shades of red, Arthur only managed to sputter out. “I-I have.. I have N-NO idea what you're t-talking about!”

Bingo. Alfred grinned and leaned in close. “You know, most people ask me out before they call to make dates, if they call at all.”

Arthur turned away quickly and crossed his arms. “H-How long have you known..?”

“Well, the first time I came, you had your eyes on my ass for at least half an hour. That was one indicator.” Alfred mused, rubbing his chin in thought. “Asking if I was married was another little tipoff, and then there were all the times you'd stop me before I left just to thank me again. Were you trying to ask me out this whole time, or were any of these calls real problems?”

Face in flames, the shorted of the two slowly hid his head in his hands as Alfred listed these dead giveaways to Arthur's intentions. “T-The first one was real.. and.. the basement light was... and this one was an accident... while I was standing in the sink to loosen the light fixture in the bathroom.”

That had Alfred roaring in laughter. He knew it! This was too cute!

Arthur, however, was feeling heaps of shame piled on top of him as he sank lower into the sofa. Al seemed to notice and he carefully placed a hand on the Brit’s. “For what it's worth, I'd definitely go on a date with you if ya asked me.”

“I wasn't exactly..” Arthur began. “.. looking for a date... I was... well.. ah... it's embarrassing. A date would be lovely.”

Blue eyes blinking in surprise, it was now Alfred's turn to get all flushed. “Wait... were you lookin to... to have sex? Sex with the plumber??”

It took great effort to hold back his laughter, and Alfred let some chuckles and giggles escape. “Oh shit, Arthur-”

Arthur closed his eyes, waiting for the laughter, the mockery. It never came. Instead, there was hot breath against his ear. “-that is so kinky.”

It took a moment for Arthur to register what had been said. Once it clicked, however, there was no hesitation.

They were on each other so fast, the cats jumped from the sudden action and skittered away to another room. Clothes got tossed all over, and Arthur vaguely wondered if there would be a noise complaint from the neighbors. He tended to be loud during sex.

____________

Alfred was one of his best lays yet, Arthur decided as they lay in a heap on the sofa an hour or two later. Maybe he really was the best. At the very least somewhere in the top 3.

His thoughts were interrupted by Alfred, who was currently drawing circles on Arthur's back with his fingers. “So... I'd really like for this to be more than just a one time kink lay. What about you..?”

Arthur could see the hope in the other's eyes, but also the fear. After only a moment of thought, Al had his answer.

“I would certainly enjoy doing this again.” Arthur mumbled. “Hmm... Friday at that restaurant on 1st street? The Italian one?”

Alfred's grin matched the sun and his eyes held stars in them. Arthur found that he would enjoy seeing them more often.

“It's a date.”


End file.
